[ the pain of failed relationships ]

"When we fail in our relationships, we ask ourselves what went wrong. There are times when nothing was wrong. Sometimes love just naturally fades away and this happens to people who are simply not meant for each other. I know it is difficult to comprehend why relationships suddenly take unexpected turns. But, it always happens. People we treasure are taken away from us for a reason. Sometimes we have to stop asking why and just accept our fate. If there is certainty in that end, then we should stop being bitter and just be thankful that for once, we have loved and shared our life." - Joe D' Mango

Ang galing mag advice ni Joe, para bang ang dali lang tanggapin ang lahat. Pero siguro kung sa kanya nangyari yun, di nya rin ang alam ang gagawin nya. Oo masarap yung feeling na may nagmamahal at nagke care sayo, pero kakambal naman nun eh sangdamakmak na sakit at drum-drum na luha. Alam ko dahil napagdaanan ko na rin yan. Yung tipong pag gising mo sa umaga ang ganda agad ng mood mo. Naka smile ka kahit wala naman dahilan, yung tipong mukha ka ng tanga, lam mo yun?

Matagal-tagal na rin nung huli kaming magkausap, nung huli kong maramdaman ang mainit nyang yakap, nung huli kaming magdesisyon na tigilan na ang lahat, masakit mang tanggapin pero alam naming pareho na wala nang second chance. Matagal kong dinamdam ang mga nangyari, hindi ko nagawang maka move-on agad, araw-araw sa loob ng mahigit limang taon, sya lagi ang naiisip ko hanggang sa panaginip ko. Gusto ko syang Makita at makausap pero baket pa, kung muli lang akong masasaktan at luluha (naks!)

My friend once said, “siguro kaya ka ganyan kasi wala ka pang naging bf after nya” hindi rin, kasi I’m open naman for possibilities, meron din naman dumating na iba, problem lang was I find it hard to completely trust ‘em, nagkaron ako ng takot to take the risk kaya hindi natutuloy. Ewan ko, siguro ako lang talaga ang may problema. Pero…that was before…

Earlier this year, after talking to my friend, narealized ko na ang dami kong sinayang na opportunities at kelangan ko na talagang mag move on. Sabi nga ni Joe ‘don’t pin your hopes on someone who doesn’t love you anymore, there will always be someone more deserving of your time and attention”

So I decided to put an end to my kagagahan. I let him go na, after so many years of keeping him to my heart I finally decided to let him go. Balak ko pa nga sulatan sya eh, pero sa blog ko na lang ginawa mas ok eh! Ang sarap pala ng feeling na finally pinakawalan mo na yung matagal mo nang dinadala sa dibdib mo. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik. Natuto akong intindihin yung true meaning of acceptance. I've learned to accept the fact that He and I were not meant to be together. I've learned to accept my fate and stop living in the shadows of his memories. Lagi ko na lang iniisip na meron pa rin nakalaan para sakin. I’m giving myself a chance and I know love will grow in my heart again.

From time to time naalala ko pa rin sya pero yung feelings ko para sa kanya, wala na, parang yun sa kanta ni Lea S. “I remember the boy, but I don’t remember the feeling anymore”